HOW TO GET THROUGH A BREAKUP

HOW TO GET THROUGH A BREAKUP

Dear Rafikis,

Heart break is one of the greatest hindrances  in achieving a sun filled life. Alicia Keys depicts the pain of heartbreak best in her music where she states

Have you ever tried sleeping with a broken heart?
Well, you could try sleeping in my bed.

It is easy to be tempted to block,trash talk , burn your ex’s things or even rebound into a new relationship. I believe that our focus should instead be on healing ourselves other than on hurting the other person.

Below I’ve listed several ways in which young people can heal from heart-break.

React

Get angry! Be sad! Comfort eat or go out with friends! Allow yourself to react to the situation. Allow yourself to mourn your loss. Take your time, Be it an hour or a week , allow yourself to cry. If it is your portion, tell the other person how much they’ve hurt you. Allow yourself to weep.

Pick yourself up

Mourn as much as you please , but remember that night will end and day will come. When day arrives you must pick yourself up! You cannot mourn forever, life must go on. You must remember you were lit before them and that you will continue to be so after them. No one is worth being down for! Get a grip of those emotions, get up and do what needs to get done!

Acceptance 

Accept that you have been hurt, accept that the future between you and them has been terminated. Your dreams of being together with person have been shattered. You must accept your new single status. Do not rush yourself! Be it changing your relationship status, returning  their things or deleting their pictures. There is no correct way to accept things. Do not feel rushed to announce it to spectators.Handle things in a way you dim fit for yourself.

Healing

Do not allow one or two or three bad experiences to break your spirit. Do not let your heart turn cold because of a break up. I know it’s so easy to say that because of the hurt you will not let anyone back into your heart. However take time off to heal. Healing for me came from Finding Grace and deepening my relationship with God. Yoga and meditation were also very helpful. Find what makes your heart whole and use it to help you heal.

Forgiveness

Forgive yourself. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of blaming yourself . It’s easy to say things like “Maybe if I did this or that he would have stayed” Chances are high that there is nothing you could do to keep him. However if you actually did something wrong, accept your role and forgive yourself.

 If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you, nothing you do can make him stay.

You should also forgive the other person. Whether they cheated on you, treated you like crap or simply wasted your time, just forgive them. Even if they are not sorry for their actions just forgive them. Forgiving them is for you not for them! By forgiving them you set yourself free from the hurt.

Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it will kill your enemies. Nelson Mandela

Snap back

Spoil yourself! Cut your hair ! Do your nails, Change up your wardrobe and get that revenge body. Not because you want the other person to realize that you are the best thing they ever had but because you feel good when you look good. Post break up is the best season to remind your self that you are that b****.  Be your own hype woman!

A woman who cuts her hair is about to change her life.                Coco Chanel

Stay busy 

Keep busy! Whether it’s focusing on your academic work, or on a hobby. Keep yourself busy, that way you have less time to feel sorry for yourself. Stay distracted doing this that you love and things that will add value to your future.

Chase Dreams 

Go back to the drawing board and look at your ambitions. Look at the previous goals you set for yourself and evaluate your progress. Set challenging goals. Be it starting a business, reviving a blog or scoring that job. Push yourself beyond your comfort zone! Try out  new things be it sky diving, zip lining or a salsa class.

Overcoming other challenges in your life reaffirms your ability to overcome the heart-break

Take time off 

Do not rush into another relationship. It’s important to learn to be by yourself. Learn to love your own company. Masterdate,  take yourself to the beach, to the cinema and for ice cream dates. Meditate on your future goals. Work on falling deeper in love with your self-love. Re-affirm your worth. Do not settle for less or rebound. Love yours! Being single is actually not a bad thing, cherish the moments you have alone.

Invest in platonic relationships 

Spend more time with friends and family. Be there for them , find out what is going in their lives and support them. Take a girls trip with them! Learn to value platonic relationships as much as you value romantic relationships.

Give love a second chance 

Above all else, Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it – Proverbs 4:23

Guard your heart but do not let a bad experiences put you off love. Be open to new experiences and to making new memories. Not all men are trash, maybe the majority of them are but they are good guys out there. Maybe you just need to re-evaluate the kind of guys you give a chance but do not rule all guys out. Stop allowing “Jaymos or Cheers Baba” guys to break your heart. Set high standards and keep them.

TIME HEALS ALL WOUNDS

 

DisclaimerI am not a relationship expert, I am just a girl sharing advise based on personal experience. This guide is not set in stone and may not be effective for all.

Please do comment below what you think of my tips and share your own experiences too.

 

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2 Comments

  1. FAITH
    September 11, 2017 / 6:29 am

    Your advise on heart break is captivating..

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